insecurities of a starfish

this is somewhere i wont forget
all my memories
the sweet and the bitter
they all belong here
it is here that my heart is
all the familiar faces
and everything so beautiful that ive taken for granted
it is indeed my second home (:

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

footprints in the sand Tuesday, August 31, 2004

i made my dress!!!
-jumps around-
sorry elf piggy (:
its a peachy salmon pinky dress
with a V back
and a cute ribbon across!!!
i love ribbons :D
ribbboonnn ribboonnn
wheeee boink-a-doink!
its got a chiffon bottom frilly thingy
i prefer chiffon to organza.
uh huhs.
but the thing is
its satin.
shiny.
im goanna look fat!!! ):
oh well. just going to hope for the best.

footprints in the sand Sunday, August 29, 2004

if ive ever done anything to you
that made you feel awkward
and uncomfortable
im sorry okay. (:

constant reflection is good!!
been a little mad with my hectic schedule
grrs. pissed off a couple of people
especially my mom
poor her
always vent my anger on her.
suddenly decided that if i were to die one day
i dont want anybody to be mad at me right?
or hold any grudges (:
tocks is back!!!!!
will try to stop blogging depressing entries
yay.

dont know who you are
but im with you

footprints in the sand Saturday, August 28, 2004

my new layout!!!
im really proud of it.
cos i revamped it practically all by myself!!!
except bits of help frm my sister (:
and stealing her layout to edit.
anyway take note of the date of the diary entry in the pic
familiar?
if you dont know what it is i'll kill you (:
and star star!!! pretty star
and of cos. love
no one can live without it ehh. yay!

footprints in the sand

swim shady came to perform today
i reached school after a long day of mc just in time to see them (:
gary is so cute!!!
and my art is in a bad shape. ):
wanted to finish them by this week
but now i dont think so

footprints in the sand Friday, August 27, 2004

if when you wake up in the morning
and the hurting is so great
you dont want to get out of bed
and face a world of hate

if everything in life goes wrong
and nothing you do seems right
you just try a little harder
and soon you'll see the light

for every person who has put you down
and filled your life with pain
you must strive to achieve greatness
and show them you can win

for every disappointment
for the times you are let down
there will be a better moment
and your life will turn around

because everyone feels heartaches
and everyone feels pain
but only those who have true courage
can get up and try again

teal henderson
chicken soup of the soul for teenagers (on tough stuff)

footprints in the sand Wednesday, August 25, 2004

selfdeluding
cheating myself into believing what i want to
why wont i just grow up
just give it up
and stop escaping.
i just wont turn towards what coming
and face it.
keep allowing myself to get carried away
in what i feel comfortable, happy in.
why wont things work out quick
its just a 2 way road
so why cant i make up my mind
and where do you stand?
im reading into every little thing
rumaging thru the pile
picking out what i want to know
and throwing away all evidence pointing the other way.
im a stupid persistent idiot.
its like i keep steering my heart towards the sweet smelling roses
even though i know that thorny spikes lay just below

why am i here holding back all that im trying to say

footprints in the sand Monday, August 23, 2004

and if it’s written on my face
i hope it never goes away

oh no.
its week 9
prelims are 2 weeks away
oh no!!
-burys head in the ground-
you think i can hide underground till o levels are over
i just suddenly remembered somethg
prelims means that its my 1st 3 months
how am i going to get into ANYWHERE
with my shitified results
dont be surprised to see me working at mcdonalds or something
or maybe the zoo!! (:
yeahh. the zoo rocks.

i need a good spell
pimple disappearo!!
-taps wand-
nothing happen
darn.
im getting lamer
amaths mock tomorrow
hope i pass
and chem mock on wed
hope i pass too
and georg mock on thurs
once again i hope i pass (:

footprints in the sand

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

footprints in the sand Sunday, August 22, 2004

It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind
If it ain't comin out we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

things i'll never say

footprints in the sand

somewhere out there

someone's saying a prayer

that we'll find one another

in that big somewhere out there

my throat hurts

hmpf. it was val's ruffles that did it

i studied.

or at least made a good attempt

bleahh.

im attending the chinese mass with my mum tomms

dont like going for chinese mass

i cant understand!!

i feel like an angry hippo now

angry cos i suck at amaths

and hippo cos i just stuffed myself

wrote a motivation card the other day

its printed on the hp2 post card!!

wheee. means i can see my harry all day long while i study

and it has this nice quote

if you can dream it, you can do it - disney

so disneyfied somehow

cute and magical!!!

feeling a little lost

no idea why.

i need to know why -

footprints in the sand Saturday, August 21, 2004

my brain's burned out
i hope studying kills calories
cos i've sure been putting on some fats
at the rate im eating while i study
im going to be really obese
not like im not now already /:

studied.
not 100%
but at least as much as i can manage
li hsing came back to visit us today
she looks different
and she's become less shy (:
thats good.
went to shower at val's place in the afternoon
and ate up her breakfast bar and some cereal (:
skipped remedial for that
wong was like 'as if showering can help you in your o levels'
bleahh.
went back to school
started mugging
got quite some social studies things in at least (:
couldnt concentrate fully
but it was pretty successful

its nine alrdy
brain's exhausted
but still gotta study.
love ya all (:

footprints in the sand Thursday, August 19, 2004

silver moon's sparkling

ive realised that by flooding my mind
with plenty of work
my thoughts wont dwell of things that hurt
and things that distract me

footprints in the sand

Where do broken hearts go

Can they find their way home

Back to the open arms

Of a love that’s waiting there

And if somebody loves you

Won’t they always love you

And no matter how I try

You’re always on my mind

finally. seems to be that after dropping physics
im considerably happier
its just like a dead weight has been lifted off my shoulders
(: yay!

i really dont care about what happened
or what didnt
it doesnt matter to me
whats more important
is the fact that im now happy
and it was just a moment of confusion anyway
no biggie

now im wishing and hoping for something more
something real
i know what i said
that youre behind me
for silly reasons maybe
but it was better than that patch of uncertainty i was going through
but now that youve done something so unexpected
even though its been quite a while
cant stop thinking
what if its just cos im over reacting
over something that wasnt intentional
maybe its just because you read something
that i didnt expect you to
or maybe its just intuition
but it really make my days
i hope that things sort themselves out quick
before i move forward
just cant bear to leave you behind

footprints in the sand Wednesday, August 18, 2004

cos obviously
shes out of my league
i'm wasting my time
cos she'll never be mine
and i know i never will be good enough for her

mcfly - obviously

footprints in the sand Tuesday, August 17, 2004

when the stars go blind

and the darkness starts to flood your eyes

when you're falling behind

i will carry you

clay aiken

i've almost completed my 4 boards for art (:

now its just the wire sculptures

i cant believe i've almost pulled through all this work

its the 8th week. amazing.

i didnt even realise that time grew wings

i feel like im missing out my teenage years

and my happy life is being affected

i guess we just cant go on working and working

non stop

once in a while

we just have to put down our pens

stand back and check out what we've done

and we might just realise that we've really achieved quite a lot

im not letting bloody O levels affect my life

no i wont. (:

im just going to make the best out of it

and learn all i can from this stupid exams

learn to live my dreams*

footprints in the sand Monday, August 16, 2004

if the words don't come my way

hope you still know

hope it still shows

if the words don't come my way

i hope you still know what my heart wants to say

gareth gates

at times i find myself utterly confused

my brain's clogged up

living each day just like that

is it even living?

and it feels like there's so many things

all hitting me at the same time

that i've only got enough energy to solve them

a little at time

and at the end of the day

the pile's just as big

and i just slip into dreamscape

mind empty

drowning in the unreal

dont know what i want

and dont know what i need

getting my priorities mixed up

im losing touch with who i am

i hardly feel any emotions other than rage, anger anymore

and when i feel the other emotions

they're coming in tiny doses

i cry little

i laught little

is that good or bad

im rather numbed already

just hanging on by the thin thread of hope

that soon i'll be out of all this

and be able to feel the pain

and the joy.

its ironic really

im hoping to feel the pain.

stupid

but its better than the emptyness really

but thankfully

sometimes it still hurts

and it makes me feel real at least.

footprints in the sand Sunday, August 15, 2004

im on a roll.

trying to get myself to do as much work as i can

-beams-

everybody better be proud

the slacker tocks is getting more diligent!

i did my work in the kitchen today

with my dog at my feet

cos he was scared of the thunder.

and he was snoring!!!

i didnt know dogs snore.

footprints in the sand

i restarted my tama from 6 years ago ytd
and under our careful care
it grew frm 5g to 43g
unfortunately
it somehow died in my car today. ):
so i had to restart it again!!
bahh. stupid

hey you.
im really really sorry
for getting you mad
and making you cry okay.
i really didnt mean to yell
we're friends forever remember.
still love you plenty.
and to all of you
who rushed to comfort me
thanks (:
i love ya all.

footprints in the sand Friday, August 13, 2004

thank you
i guess a small action
can speak big words
you made me feel better about myself
and everything else

footprints in the sand Thursday, August 12, 2004

yay!!! a1 (:
im proud of myself.
uh huhs.
thank you god.

life can never be all strawberries and cream
i guess we all have good times
but there will always be bad times.
to all those who were disappointed by the results
just remember
there wouldnt be success if there wasnt failure.
success isnt from good to good.
its from bad to good.
we all have to go through it in our own ways
and one day after overcoming these obstacles
we will find pure gladness
and be filled with the joy of our own hardwork.
i know its hard to accept failure
we've all been there before
but we've got to pick ourselves up
and go on.
just like the chinese nursery song
get up by yourself after you've fallen (:
we can if we will.

footprints in the sand

my goldfishies died. ):
all the ones i bought.
the only one that survived was the one i found in my pond
it was barely alive when i found it this morn
but its much better now.
terribly upset
but i see them in a better place
than a silly glass tank
and i feel better.
uh huhs.
my mom thinks its probably because of the construction going on
after 2 long weeks of dust and paints
i think they cldnt take it.
but i think its really a pity
if they waited
just one more day.
i would have changed the whole tank of water
and cleaned it.
sighs ):
i miss my piggie fish.
still can remember how they love nibbling at my fingers
and how i could pat them on their heads
crap.
thinking abt them is making me cry
sighs.
apparently this few days just isnt my day
oh well
life is never strawberries and creams
and rainbows and butterflies.
gotta look forward always
and wait for the grey skys to clear up
to reveal blue heavens. (:

footprints in the sand Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Love is of the phoenix kind,
And burns itself with self made fire
To breed still new birds in the mind,
From ashes of the old desire

ooh!!
i love this.
thanks jan (:

footprints in the sand Monday, August 09, 2004

They will hug and kiss you
And miss you
Cry for you
And even die for you
Give you the world
Then take it back
They will hurt you
But never desert you
They are some one you want
But you can't stand to be around
They are your friends
And your worst enemies
They will share with you
always care for you
And love you till the end

girlfriends makes life so much easier.
three cheers for all my girl pals
especially jepenga (:

footprints in the sand

my stupid stupid brother
does not believe that i can get 10 points or lower
for o level
and that has just become my new motivation
i'll show him (:

footprints in the sand Sunday, August 08, 2004

i wann to eat starfruit!!! /:
just ate lunch. 4 biscuits. yogurt
im such a pig.
-runs to kitchen- (:
and i went chomp chomp for supper last night too. -.-
i better stop my food binge thg!!

footprints in the sand

she is the one that you'll never forget
she is the heaven-sent angel you met
oh she must be the reason why god made a girl
she is so pretty
all over the world

she is so pretty
she is like you and me
like them like we
she's in you and me

footprints in the sand

no explanations needed
its just not ever so coincidental
i get your point
why get myself hurt any further
i dont even think you'll see all of this
doesnt matter anymore.
now that the truth's finally hit me
i guess this is it.
but just in case
if you ever read this
and its not all as bad as i thought
just say hi
for once

footprints in the sand Saturday, August 07, 2004

i need to watch poa
i want to watch poa
right now!!! /:
how am i going to wait wait wait till 23nov to watch it?!
grr.
/:
waits

footprints in the sand

farewell
noun [C] FORMALwhen someone says goodbye

we had a great time.
uh huh.
the food was good (:
i liked the jellllyyy -wobble wobble-
snapped pictures
played dog and 'the paintbrush'
mutation of the good old dog and bone.
one new way of playing - kick the paintbrush towards your teamates.
and yo hoooo you win!
for passing the bomb
the forfeits were funny.
moo foo hopped around the circle singing lalala -.-
mr lee had to say mr foo rocks to moo foo.
and he was super dramatic
xinlei screamed art club rocks x10
caiyu proposed to fooo with the willow cabin speech frm 12th night
dragon kissed ade yeo on the cheek
helena did *jumps
after that they gave us presents
i love them
i seriously do.
and the art club tee rocks my world!
lower sec did this poetry thing
and they threw confetti on us (:
the wind happened to be blowing down at the forum
and it felt like some sort of movie scene
sec3s sang a song. ~~cant remember what~~ paint my love
mr lee played his guzheng
foo foo played his guitar and harmonica
we sang along to this oldie - blowing in the wind
after a present giving ceremony thing
im miss enthusisatic ^.-
we ended.
farewell artclub04
thank you

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind

footprints in the sand Friday, August 06, 2004

just set up another blog - memories
to keep some of my blog entries pretty
sort of like archives but selective.
i only keep the more meaningful entries
especially those loaded with memories (:

footprints in the sand Wednesday, August 04, 2004

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
x. tocks/tick tock/tockie
x. wanting >.- bleahh.
x. mary noelle

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
x. smile smile smile! (:
x. optimistic!
x. lame sense of humor

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF
x. loser - freakkk
x. fickle-mindedness
x. quotes frm jan: tocks has a inner bimbo. -.-

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
x. physics. [im going to conquer it. just you see fat potato!] /:
x. my own silly brain
x. why relative velocity is in the syllabus

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU
x. bullies
x. bitches who act as though they're so great
x. racist

THREE THINGS YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND
x. cockroaches
x. racist jokes
x. spiteful words

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
x. people standing behind you and just dont say a word
x. exams
x. screaming

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
x. flippie phone
x. squishies
x. jesus

THREE PEOPLE/THINGS YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH
x. elf
x. handphone
x. xin

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO
x. well in school
x. run
x. smile to the camera

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
x. onlining
x. sleeping
x. talk tock TOCK

THREE THINGS YOU BADLY WANT RIGHT NOW
x. a small bag (:
x. <10 for L1R5
x. to finish my art proj.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
x. entrepreneur
x. zoo keeper
x. work at home

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION
x. sandy beaches with clear water and coconut trees
x. farm house! wake up to sheep bahhhing.
x. my bed (:

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
x. superstar!!
x. go africa and do charity work
x. start a anti sharks fin and gui ling gao (turtle shell jelly)campaign

10 Most Wanted Items
x. small bag
x. skirt = more clothes!
x. bangles and bracelets and jingly jangly arm accesories. charm bracelets! (:
x. huggable big soft toys
x. new pencil case
x. earrings!
x. shoes
x. chocolate cookies! [frm hamster cherie] -stares-
x. that pink escada perfume!
x. dreamcatcher

adapted from wox aka xin

footprints in the sand Monday, August 02, 2004

the prayer session today was good.
it helped me re-gain part of my confidence
and gave me reassurance
that i'll be able to go through it all
im glad we had it.
and they played really beautiful songs! (:
at some points i was on the verge of crying
it just never occured to me that many many others are going though as much confusion as i am
and after the session
everyone was considerably happier. (:
i can.
i shall face up to challenges
and give the obstacles a good kick in the face
uh huh. (:
and foofoo's really really concerned about us
he was just telling us about how he dont go to church
and he is a free thinker
yet he went. just for the few of us
i guess we really do mean quite a lot of him.
hmms. and he was talking about me praying fervently -.-
doots.
after zhuang said her prayer for us
she was winking at caroro.
so funny.
she's really a sweet old thing. (:
i really musnt let down all the teachers and friends that are supporting me. (:

footprints in the sand

i really dont know what's going on
sometimes i can bravely tell myself to not dwell on unrealistic things
and at others i just want to cry
and cant seem to give up and let all that i've done go to waste
i dont even know what i want anymore
it seems like i've been split into two
and these two are fighting to take control
maybe i really do have a split personality.
you're just plain in my way
a thorn in my side
a boulder in the middle of the road
but at the same time im pushing the thorn deeper into my flesh.
i think im going mad.
there's just so much frustration that i cant get out.
and here i am just ranting and ranting away
not even sure what my fingers are typing.
maybe its my semi concious typing away
i dont know.

footprints in the sand Sunday, August 01, 2004

to work for fame or money.
or to work for relationships
and to strive in order to make myself happy.
the ultimate goal in life
is still relationships
and that when one day
when you're standing at the gates of heaven
to cry because you regret what you havent done enough of
or to cry because you're glad that the pain's finally over
hmmms. have been thinking a lot
about what im living for
and i think i've finally got the answer. (:
thank you god

footprints in the sand