insecurities of a starfish

today wasnt as bad as i had imagined
i didnt do extremely well
neither did i do badly
i did fairly
alright considering my own ability
but there were of course subjects that
did me proud (:
and those that let me down
but all the same
i must really thank god
for without his guidance
while i mugged and filled in my answers
for studying late into the night
and doing piles of maths question
and for making everything alright
despite the fact that i was rather certain i was doomed
and it is also by him
that i had the strength to go on (:
and the fact that he's brought me so far
gently reminds me that he's going to bring me through it all
and whatever that lies ahead
thank you -

congrats to all those who rocked
im proud of you guys
your efforts paid off!
and the feeling is sweet
i hope that you all would continue
doing better (:

to the others who were disappointed
please feel free to call me for a chat yeah
i may not be able to help much
but the least i can do is lend a ear
and maybe give an encouraging word
but no matter what
just remember not to let this one failure bring you down
for life is full of ups and downs
and damn unpredictable too
no matter how terrible things are
life has to go on
and the best you can do
is to pick yourself up and try again
the strength to go on can only come from yourself
its not anything anyone else can help you do

just cheer up okay!
its going to be okay
have faith in yourself (:
by the way
i'm staying at cj!
im positive that i look fugly in the cj uniform
but suddenly it doesnt matter anymore (:

footprints in the sand Monday, February 28, 2005

okay. everyone's thanking cj pae
so i should too right?
considering that maybe after tmr
i wont have the same mood to thank cj
sighh okay. here goes.

i would like to express my utmost thanks
to the entire population of the cj pae 2005
i first entered cj feeling out of place
despite all the friends i had with me
i cldnt help comparing every little thing to all i had in st nicks
seemed to me at that time
that the canteen was too small
the food sucks
the uniforms ugly
the track's minute and all
but day by day
the material stuff didnt seem to matter at all
because there was just too much fun
too much joy and all
involved in the time we had
that nothing else mattered
the spirit at cjs really like the one back at sngs
and the one i got at sngs was built up after 10 years of schooling there
but being at cj for only that short while
made me feel at home
an incredible feat i must admit
and all that is from the many many people ive gotten to know
ever since coming here
i cld have gone somewhere else with my pae grades
but following my friends blindly
i landed here
and whether or not i shall stay on
doesnt matter cos things wont be the same
but i guess the first 3 mths will always be a good part
of my memory (:

to oneteethirteen
we aint that close seriously
but after all that
a part of my hearts gotten so used to the class
the way jiang is always sleeping during lessons
how daniel's playing with the sweet box or leaning against the seat
chin hwees stupid questions and 'chers
liying and mags laughing throughout
taylens stoning
sherlyns hardworkingness
june writting letters to ahemm
and all that nonsense we come up with in class
i think tan bs hates us to the core
the way we sing bday songs everytime he has a lesson
and all that.

to oneteeeleve oneteefourteen oneteetwentyfive and oneteethirtyeight
namely jan pam feli and vals class
for welcoming me
sort of.
and accepting my constant visits (:
you people played a big role in connecting me to people
outside my tiny class
its been great
especially getting to know a few of you much better!!
yay (:
and to all the other people ive got to know
in cj through all other weird means
through this and that
im glad to have gotten to know you all
it always feels good to know people
outside of just your class
and since everyone knows ive got this
extremely short memory
im sorry i really cant name the people
to prevent missing some out
so i'll simply not name anyone!!
ahahs. but you guys ROCK (:

so end of story
tomorrows the day
good or bad
just remember that there will still be ME
and that should make you happy enough right!!
after results are released
things will be different
so for now
all these memories of the first
to be exact 2 mths of cj pae life
is going to be locked up in a treasure chest
chapter 1 of my heart!
yay (:

footprints in the sand Sunday, February 27, 2005

i had another bad night's sleep!!
RAAH
seemed like i cldnt fall asleep properly
just when i was really zonking out
my mum's alarm rang
indicating that it was around 5
sucks lahh.
what kind of stupid night was that
after i came home frm church
watched a little of power rangers on kids central
i swear im going stupid
died on the couch.
i kept dreaming non stop
kept dreaming about waking up on that same couch
and in my dream
my eyes wont open properly
since im in reality still sleeping
and i kept rubbing and rubbing to wake myself in the dream
i wonder if i was really rubbing in my sleeping state?

I just want to feel real love

Feel the home that I live in

'Cause I got too much life

Running through my veins

Going to waste

And I need to feel real love

And a life ever after

I cannot give it up

footprints in the sand

suddenly it has dawned upon me
that after yesterday
many people wont be going to school anymore
and that fact depresses me
the only reason ive been having so much fun
is mainly because of the friends
the funky people in cj
but once these people are all gone
what would be left?!
oh no ):
im going to miss all the cj ppl
ive grown so used waving to
talking to and smiling to
even if i stay
many of them would have left
so it wouldnt be the same
these 2 months passed real quick to think abt it
BAHHH ):
tocks is sad.

footprints in the sand Saturday, February 26, 2005

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
But the rest is still unwritten

monday is where the book begins.
its sort of scary
when u dread it
and yet you just need to know
i havent been sleeping well
even though the fact that
im going to get it back on monday
hasnt hit me yet
im sorry if im slow. :D
but still its just sort of lurking about in my head
like some kind of time bomb
keep dreaming and dreaming
not about results
at least i doubt it
but all i know is that
its been affecting my mood these couple of days ):

i love orange bowl kuay tiao!!
and uncle mobeen's ice milo
it'll always be the best :D

footprints in the sand Friday, February 25, 2005

the unexpected mini 4d gathering at far east plaza today
was really warm and fuzzy (:
its really conincidental
how so many of us were there at the same time
seeing the good old familiar faces
brought back the memories of diligence
AGAIN!!
ahhas
guess i'll be seeing them soon again on friday
just hope that on that day
we'll part with just as much laughter and joy
we were hugging like mad there
everybody probably thought we were boinkers or somethg
ahahas (:

vball today was fun
just that i kept hitting the ball all over the place
hees. :D
man i suck at it
but it was cool!

the thought that i might have only 2 more weeks left in cj
is making me panic
RAHHH
fine. whatever it is
im just seeing the results

footprints in the sand Tuesday, February 22, 2005

i dislike saturdays
cos i always spend them at home
some funny how /:
no life lahh!
ahahas
like how meow and qian would say
i live in a hole :D
i bought a pair of court shoes
for the ushering tomorrow.
they squeeze my toes together
and it hurts like mad
my heels also hurt
RAHHH

and elf if you continue talking
about tooot.
youre so dead
you'd better believe me
and what i say
ahahs
or i'll personally go to your house
and kill you in the dead of the night :D
its a public annoucement!
hohoo. (:

chingay looks retarded on tv anyway
ugly looking floats
and weird dances
but i love the bright lights in town
so pretty
makes it feel like some kind of
fairy mall :D

footprints in the sand Saturday, February 19, 2005

I need to take a shower
when I look at you
Ya sting and hurt
like a bad tattoo
I wish you'd change
my point of view

I cruise the canyon
to get a breeze
With Hidden Treasures
up my sleeve
I like the light
and hate the heat
But I'll lick the blood
right off your street

Yea yea-a I'm cherry cola
Yea yea-a I'm candy-eyed (:
Yea yea-a I'm California
My mind's all screwed
and upside down
But my heart's on over drive

footprints in the sand

the thought that lingers about my mind
is the one and only
ahhh DIE! results out next friday
seems that no matter how hard i tell myself not to think
and just to enjoy this last ~~two~~ week
of ignorance to the fullest
i cant seem to remember that
sighh
im just hoping i'll get what i deserve to get
another dilema that i will soon face once i get the results
to stay or to go
or maybe i wouldnt have a choice but to stay
now am i suppose to be happy or sad about that
URGHS /:

I've got a right to be wrong

My mistakes will make me strong

I'm stepping out into the great unknown

I'm feeling wings though I've never flown

I've got a mind of my own

Flesh and blood to the bone

See, I'm not made of stone

I've got a right to be wrong

So just leave me alone

footprints in the sand Thursday, February 17, 2005

dont want to be a spoilsport or anything
but once again i wonder
what is the meaning of valentine's day
for those without their
significant other
bahh
friendship and spreading the love
true but its at times like these
that i wish i wont be spending the day alone ):

it used to be better at st nicks
when everyone was just exchanging gifts
with no other meaning other than friendship
and you could be sure that you'd be having loads of company
on that day
even if you dont want to
but today things seemed different

the cj vday isnt fun at all
like sam said
vday is st nicks culture
not a part of cj culture at all
it seemed almost like any other day
i miss the flowers! /:
the half dead roses and flowers we used to get
too many hershey kisses
and the times when you rush all over
and just give everyone a hug
going home with arms loaded with
cups goodie bags presents notes and all that useless junk
that will soon be tucked away in corner of the room
but the joy of exchanging gifts!
i implore those still in st nicks
that means YOU sister
to enjoy st nicks vday while you can
cos its the best

happy vday though
to all my dear wonderful bestest and
the ULTIMATE
friends (:

footprints in the sand Monday, February 14, 2005

When im in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk
right through my door,
Its then i know my heart is whole
Theres a million reasons why i cry
Hold my covers tight
and close my eyes
Cuz i dont wana be alone

EDIT:
jepenga cny outing pics up in random outings album;
oneteethirteen cny eve pics up!

footprints in the sand Saturday, February 12, 2005

this is no doubt the worse
and most pathetic
chinese new year i ever had
firstly
as we all are practical and modern
people of the new millenia
the fact that most relatives
are supposedly according to
old tradition -.-
not supposed to give angpows
cos my maternal grandad and
paternal grandma just passed away last year
killed the entire cny spirit
i mean
whats cny without the angpows!
so my annual bonus :D
was cut down by i dunno
a lot.
secondly
due to the fact that we cant celebrate cny
and my maternal uncle
whose house we were gathering in
wasnt at home
the people who turned up
was pathetic amount
the usual number would be near 50 odd people
but this year things were different
so not much chatting
thirdly
the food wasnt up to expectations
and there was no tv to watch
so i basically rotted all day
and acted as a babysitter to the babies
but they're cute
so no problem (:

so i spent the entire of the 1st day of cny
bumming out in front of the couch
today
all i did was visit one aunt's house
and came back and read a novel
a complete waste of a good holiday
oh well.
theres always vday to look forward to!
yay.
people you better give me STUFF (:

footprints in the sand Thursday, February 10, 2005

it doesnt feel like cny
not at all
i havent even plan what im going to wear tomorrow
not really
but i can predict im going to wear
the pink shirt
bahhh
the over-worn pink shirt
with my pretty beige mini!
yay
i just planned :D
popiah for dinner rocked!!
i think its healthy (:

lunch with j squared epenga
was great!
we didnt get to go back to st nicks
nevertheless
i had an equally rocking time!
i guess it IS the company
that really matters
of cos having it in the st nicks canteen
would be better
having our usual ice lemon tea
but some things cant be helped!
bu we were at
our favourite food hangout
NYDC (:
its been a long while since weve been together
and the catching up of things
about eyecandies and secrets
things we just share so freely
it comes so naturally (:

i hope im not going to pig out tomorrow
but im quite sure
that the sight of my grandma's
yummy duck
will kill me!
cant wait to see those cute chubby
cousins and nephews
i love babies :D

shine like Venus in a clear night sky

footprints in the sand Tuesday, February 08, 2005

You Have A Type B Personality
You're as laid back as they come...
Your baseline mood is calm and level headed
Creativity and philosophy tend to be your forte
Like a natural sedative,
you have a soothing effect on people
Friends and family often
turn to you first with their problems
You have the personality
to be a spiritual or psychological guru

Do you have a type A personality

footprints in the sand Sunday, February 06, 2005

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
And when the wind moves
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face

footprints in the sand

its at times like these
that i wish to be less alone
to have more than just that
and to be greedy for more

so fickle sometimes
when theres pain
you just wish it away
and you would exchange anything
for it to be gone
but when theres no pain
but no joy at the same time
you wish
just a little
that there would be
something more
even if it would mean hurt and grief

once again im feeling blue
maybe im just being pms-y /:

footprints in the sand

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

footprints in the sand Thursday, February 03, 2005

im dreading crosscountry tomorrow
even though i am looking forward
to the fact that running
equals to burning fats
and getting toner legs (:
and that running in the wild is great
cos you can see all sorts of greenery
but im still dreading it
i cant imagine 4.2 km?!
and uphill?!
damnation!!
i have decided that the grandstand
is my favourite spot in the school
cos its so airy and windy
and you get such a great view
like from high high above
and since its also always
filled with people
lively and happy :D
so relaxing!

footprints in the sand Tuesday, February 01, 2005